A Quote for My New Journey

FEAR

I must not fear. 

Fear is the mind-killer. 

Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. 

I will face my fear. 

I will permit it to pass over me and through me. 

And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. 

Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. 

Only I will remain.

-Frank Herbert-

The Oyster

Your kindness I can't endure

Your words I can't believe

For your strength, is my weakness

So I won't let you see 

How happy you make me

I'll cover my smile with a frown

And I don't want to share

The pain that I bear

I'll cover my ache with a laugh

To you, my funny man.

-ARH-

My Love Song

I just found the most beautiful song I have ever heard. Maybe it's because I feel a connection with the song, even when I have no relation to the lyrics at all. The song is so powerful that there was a time when I cried listening to this song. I was so deep into it that every feeling and emotion came rushing into me all at once. The feeling of love from my family and friends, the feeling of lost, everything. I instantly fell in love with the song the first time I heard it.

Junior High: L.A. Assignment

So I was just looking around my old Junior High USB, when I came across a folder filled with my homework and assignments. In the Language Arts folder, I found many written works, such as poetries, made by yours truly :p Here's one about Lady Diana. Each student was given a famous public figure to write a poem about.

ENGLAND'S ROSE

A lady stood in front of others,

She was the one who tried to make a better world.

Her gentle heart and sympathy toward others,

Showed the people how much she cared.

She tried to stop those who are suffering,

Both the ill and the homeless.

Her beauty was not only shown on the outside,

But the inside as well.

A true princess, she was.

True to herself, and true to others.

Unfortunately, death arrived,

Too early, and too sudden.

In Hospital La Pitie Salpetriere,

Two hours after surgery.

It was wintertime for her,

And when the season worsened,

England’s Rose wilted

And the last petal dropped.

Life

When man steps foot on Earth
God asks, "What Will You Do?"
For he who creates havoc, will find misery

And he who brings peace, will find bliss

"Goodbye Mother" as man embarks on a journey

Down the path of uncertainty

The road eventually leads to a fork

He decides the fate he will bring to his grave

-ARH-

Haiku: The Bitter Past

Errors and mistakes make us human

But sins can be forgiven, 

because there's always a light in even the darkest heart.

-ARH-

Haiku: Rage

Possessed by Evil
Words spoken and actions done
Harming one's self most

-ARH-

Lucid Dreaming?

Just watched Inception for the few-th time. Selected the special features and there was a documentary about lucid dreaming! It got me so interested. First let me inform you guys a little about lucid dreaming. A lucid dream is when a dreamer is fully aware that he/she is dreaming. What happens in our dream is the result of our own brain's thoughts, so controlling it is possible for anyone and everyone! Expert lucid dreamers can take complete control of their dreams. Could you imagine that? A limitless world we can explore! You can be anything, see anything, do anything you want! Fly to the moon, become an emperor, live in Bikini Bottom! A universe of pure imagination! Though to do so need practices and techniques because most of the times we don't realize when we start dreaming, right?

In some articles I found, lucid dreaming has some kind of relation with sleep paralysis, which I happen to usually have but nowadays not as frequent anymore (THANK GOD). Sleep paralysis is when you fall asleep and then waking up unable to move or speak, paralyzed. This happens to me a lot. The first time I had it was either in 6th grade or Junior High. It was in the middle of the night and I woke up without being able to control any part of my body. I couldn't even open my mouth. All I could do was see everything around me in a blurry way, almost hallucinating. I was so terrified, I screamed and shouted at the top of my lungs calling out "MOOM! MOOOOOOOOMMM!" in total panic. But no words came out. I wanted to cry but couldn't. It was the scariest thing that has ever happened to me. Still is very scary, and I HATE it when it happens. Now, whenever I feel like I'm sleep paralyzing, instead of looking at my surroundings, I shut my eyes and try to go back to sleep. Sometimes it's difficult to go back to sleep because my heart keeps pounding.

Back to dreams, here are some weird dreams I've had. Only the parts I remembered. The numbering is based on when I dreamt it. So the last dream is the most recent one.

1. I was being chased and hunted by a group of some kind of evil characters (I forgot if it was a group of ghosts, monsters, or convicts...point is, they're EVIL). I was able to lose them and hid in a hidden place. I panicked and cried by myself. But then I remembered that this is all a dream. So I shouted to myself "TAMI! WAKE UP!! WAAKE UP! YOU'RE DREAMING! PLEASE WAKE UP!" And I did :)
2. I was captured by a psychopath/maniac. I was sitting on a wooden chair. A man wearing a black suit was sitting in front me. There was a small wooden table in between us. We were in a totally dark room, and the only light source I could find was the hanging lamp right on top of us. You know, like in the movies, when an investigator interrogates someone to get some information. Anyway, the man in black suit told me what he was going to do to me (which was basically mutilating me). I was petrified. Then I suddenly realized that I was dreaming. I was relieved, and actually said "Okay! Go ahead then, chop my arm" and I put my arm on the table. Then he chopped it-.-
3. I was at the beach with my friends. It was a nice dream. We were swimming and playing around. From a distance, I saw a person in a robe appearing out of nowhere. My friend ran toward him/her, grabbed and pulled him/her to me. He/she seemed to be a nice person. But I was bored and I WANTED him/her to be evil, and he/she transformed into a monster. The person transformed into something that I wanted it to be.

Was I lucid? Apparently, I was.

Messed-Up

Whaddup peeps? I’ve got a damn fever and was forced to stay at home. Here’s a list of things I missed because I didn’t go to school today:

1. Sundanese Practical Exam. We were gonna cook!! I was really looking forward to it!! :(
2. Swimming Practical Exam. I didn't go to the first one so I was supposed to go to this one.
3. MUN training. I just got the text that it was held today! Just my luck!

So instead of all those, here I am, lying on the bed, feeling awful, sick, and nauseous. Great, huh? Yesterday was also horrifying. The morning started with a temperamental teacher-.- He got so enraged with the class, he slammed the table hard, kicked the desk, yelled at us, and left the classroom while slamming the door. I was shocked, because I didn’t expect it from him at all. I knew he was in a bad mood to begin with, but he shouldn’t have blown off his steam on us. Though that was nothing compared to Tuesday.

It has been a completely messed-up week really.

Let It Burn

The song that describes my current situation is this one. It’s Burn by Usher. Originally, the song is made for a girl of course. So I changed the gender of the partner, and I also didn’t put down the verses that did not relate to me. Hope you could get the gist.

Boy, understand why

See it's burning me to hold onto this

I know this is something I gotta do

But that don't mean I want to

What I'm trying to say is that I-love-you I just

I feel like this is coming to an end

And its better for me to let it go now than hold on and hurt you

I gotta let it burn

It's gonna burn for me to say this

But it's coming from my heart

It's been a long time coming

But we done been fell apart

Really wanna work this out

But I don't think you're gonna change ya

I do but you don't

Think it's best we go our separate ways

Tell me why I should stay in this relationship

When I'm hurting baby, I ain't happy baby

Plus theres so many other things I gotta deal with

I think that you should let it burn

When your feeling ain't the same and your body don't want to

But you know gotta let it go cause the party ain't jumpin' like it used to

Even though this might bruise you

Let it burn

Let it burn

Gotta let it burn

Deep down you know it's best for yourself but you

Hate the thought of him being with someone else

But you know that it's over

You know that it was through

Let it burn

Let it burn

Gotta let it burn

I'm twisted cause one side of me is tellin' me that I need to move on

On the other side I wanna break down and cry

I'm twisted cause one side of me is tellin' me that I need to move on

On the other side I wanna break down and cry